Punnsylvanians!
So our Fourth of July celebration is coming up and it means I need to inundate you with bad jokes related to Independence Day!
Which colonists told the most jokes?
Category: Newsletter
School’s Out!
Why was the teacher cross-eyed on the last day of school?
She lost control of her pupils.
Apparently her and the students had a hard time seeing eye to eye.
Sixth Anniversary Extravaganza
We just finished celebrating Memorial Day and now we are getting ready for our anniversary event. Memorial Day was fantastic with the parade coming past our store and a level of pride could be seen in our community as everyone watched the participants. During the parade I overheard a kid’s question to his mother, “Mom, do soldiers ever go to heaven?”. “Of course they do!” protested his mother. “What makes you ask?” “There are so many soldiers with beards but I never saw any pictures of angels with beards.” he replied. The mother responded “Oh, that’s because most vets who go to Heaven get there by a close shave.”
Memorial Day is coming
A small boy was staring at the names on the wall of an old church when the pastor noticed him. “What are you looking at?” asked the clergyman. “All those names. Who are they?” the boy asked. The pastor nodded, and said, “They are the reason we have Memorial Day. They are those who died in the service.” The little boy considered that, then asked quietly, “The 9 o’clock service or the 11 o’clock?”
Continue reading Memorial Day is coming
Welcome to the jungle…
When I was growing up I had musicians, like Axl Rose, singing sweet lullabies with lyrics that included, “Welcome to the jungle, we got fun and games.” Unfortunately now that I’m older, I realize that the jungle is full of cheetahs.
If being awesome was a crime, you’d be serving a life sentence.
So last week, when we mentioned our need for sufficient funds to replace our printer, you guys came through. It was amazing how quickly everyone helped out. We have already ordered the new printer and it arrived today. The generosity of everyone is so great that it reminds me of a conversation I had with my wife the other day.
Continue reading If being awesome was a crime, you’d be serving a life sentence.
Baby needs a new pair of a shoes!
Or what it actually needs is a new printer.
After several hundred thousand print jobs we need to retire our main printer back in the pharmacy. This morning when I came in I kept hearing music coming from the printer. Eventually I realized it was because the paper was jamming. Then I noticed a flashing message on the printer. It read, “Just Can’t Get Enough.” Apparently it was in Depeche Mode
Not to be cross with you…
…but I would like to have a word.
So we have included our first official newsletter crossword (this will probably not be a recurring item). Of course my wife is the real crossword pro, so whenever I do them I usually lean into her for some help. This morning while enjoying a waffle at the soda counter, I was working on the crossword in the daily paper.
Silly Rabbit, Easter is for Jesus!
This morning when my dog and I stepped out of the house there were several rabbits all lined up in my front yard and they all jumped backward. For at least one moment I had something in common with all those bunnies…a receding hare-line!
What’s black & white and red all over?
This was the simple question that my lovely wife posed to me over dinner earlier tonight. Considering the general level of profundity that my wife regularly responds to my questions with I decided to put forth a Herculean effort to respond accordingly. I puzzled and puzzled until my puzzler was sore, then I puzzled some more. Than I had a Eureka moment! I nearly shouted the answer to her in my joy at having achieved a sufficient level of enlightenment to have solved such a complex riddle.