I ran into an old friend at the soda fountain who I hadn’t seen in years. He had a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and an eye patch. I greeted him and decided to serve him myself so we could catch up. I couldn’t resist giving him a hard time about his appearance.
“When did you become a pirate, Keener?” I joked.
He replied with a laugh, “Aye Parsons, it was about twelve years ago.”
“Wow, I was just kidding you, but now I have to know. How did you lose your leg?”
Keener took a sip of his root beer. “‘Twas a terrible sea battle. I stood bravely, directly facing 12 cannons. All they managed to hit was my leg.”
“But what about your hook?” I inquired further.
Keener took another long swig. “Arrrr, twas the day the British navy caught me. They tied me to the mast, I escaped by gnawing my own hand off.”
I was growing skeptical. “And how did you get that eye patch?”
Keener took another swig. “Twas a mutiny. Me own crew left me marooned on a desert island. But I had no fear. I lay down on the sand to wait to be rescued. As I looked up, a seagull flew over and pooped in me eye.”
“That’s ridiculous.”, I scoffed. “No one loses an eye from bird muck.”
Keener finished his mug in one gulp, and grimaced. “Twas the first day with the hook.”
About then Keener noticed my dog. I introduced him to Xanax.
“It’s good to have a pet. Over the years I had a couple of pets on me ship.”
“Really, what were they.”
Keener replied, “Well first I had a parrot, but then it flew away.”
I asked, “Were you sad when it left?”
“Aye, it gave me the cold shoulder. Then I decided to get a dog.”
“What was your dog’s name?”
“I named him Plank, because I was always taking him for a walk.”
Keener and I carried on like this for awhile. Finally I asked, “So what brought you this far inland.”
“Well, spending so much time in the sun I had started to become concerned about some moles that I had noticed. This was the earliest appointment I could get with a dermatologist, but required me to come pretty far inland.”
“That might be the first honest thing you’ve said to me.”
Keener carried on as if I hadn’t said anything. “I told the doctor, ‘I have moles on me back aaarrrghh.’ The doctor replied, ‘It’s okay, they’re benign.’ So I responded ‘Count again, I think there be ten!'”
At this point, I really felt like I needed to save face with Keener, so I tried to share my favorite pirate joke. “What’s a Pirate’s least favorite letter?”
Before I could respond with the punchline, Keener pulled an envelope out of his pocket and handed it to me. The letter read:
Dear Customer,
Due to recent illegal activities that have been performed through your connection, your internet service has been permanently disconnected.
-Sincerely, your ISP.
Maybe I got a little carried away this week, but we just had a fantastic anniversary event at Lost and Found with a LEGO competition, live music on our stage, and lots of food on the grill. Our next big event is our movie night on May 15th when we’ll be showing Pirates of the Caribbean. Then, in two and a half weeks we’ll have lots of food on the grills again as the parade comes right past our pharmacy.
Let’s talk about what else we have coming up in the not too distant future:
- Friday, May 10th, 6:30ish – 9PM, Board Game Night ~ This has long been a tradition to come in on a Friday and have fun playing games.
- Saturday, May 11th, 1PM – 3PM, Tech Help ~ We are a handful of tech heads that like technology and would like to help you with your stuff. We can help with cell phone, tablet, and computer problems/questions. We can talk with you about the latest tech like streaming TV, home security, cyber security, etc. This is all done for free, you just need to come in and ask for help. This does remind of the time I saw a pirate go to an Apple store. Apparently he needed an iPatch.
- Saturday, May 11th, 7PM – 8:30PM, Bereans Group ~ This group, which is open to the public, we always discuss tough theological questions. This time our topic is ‘Debt’. It does remind me of where a pirate goes to get a good price on a hook. He goes to the second hand store.
- Tuesday, May 14th, 7PM – 8:30PM, Bible Study ~ We are studying First and Second Corinthians. Feel free to come and join us for this study.
- Wednesday, May 15th, 5PM – 7PM, Pirates of the Caribbean ~ We are watching fantastic movie that has spawned numerous sequels since it was released over 20 years ago.
Now for the part everyone always asks about, the actual food! Our sandwich is a chicken, pesto, and roasted red peppers panini. Our specialty ice creams is Moose Tracks, and for a limited time enjoy our Elvis Milkshake at Lost and Found.
Thanks and God bless
Sean
