Then Easter comes and we say, “Go and search in the dirt for candy a strange giant bunny left for you, kids!”
Q: What do you call someone who isn’t sure if the Easter Bunny is real?
A: An Eggnostic.
Continue reading 364 days of the year we tell kids, “Do NOT eat anything you find on the ground!”
We ended up having a fireside chat. After awhile I had to admit to him that the one thing more amazing than a talking dragon is a spelling bee. He gave me a smouldering look, but eventually he cooled off. He told me that he was so hungry this morning but had to wait to eat because of a dental appointment. I asked him what he ate afterwards and he told me, “the Dentist.”
Xanax S Parsons recently spent some time at a local elementary visiting all the classrooms from Pre-K thru Fifth Grade. She had a fantastic time meeting many new children and seeing quite a few familiar faces. As a therapy dog she is well equipped to help children and adults deal with a lot of the challenges that come with this time of year.
Yesterday, I got so depressed I spent entire day listening to Celine Dion records … Or that’s what I thought until I realized a cat had fallen in to the dryer.
I know a lot of people struggle with various states of depression this time of year. Do you know which state is most depressing?
Continue reading Don’t worry, be happy!
January 12th is a day that we celebrate the pill-ers of our society.
Of course I am doubly blessed because January 12th is also National Kiss a Ginger Day! As you can see my wife is very pharma-cute-ical.
Shannon is like a box of BD pen needles, ultra-fine.
It’s a good thing we sell inhalers, because she takes my breath away!
Employer: We need someone responsible for the job.
Me: Sir your search ends here! In my previous job whenever something went wrong, everybody said I was responsible.
So our up coming LEGO competition this weekend involves handing kids LEGO minifigures and having them create jobs for them. This made me think of some great moments in my own work history.
It takes over 3500 bolts to assemble a car, but it only takes one nut to spread it all across the highway. Don’t drink and drive this New Year’s Eve.
As a result we decided to offer an alcohol free venue at Lost and Found this New Year’s Eve. Starting at 6PM, despite the store being closed we will be playing board games through midnight. I know I’m going to try and convince some of those who come to play Xia: Embers of a forsaken star, and we’re going to make sure that Khan (played by Ricardo Montalbán) blows up at midnight by starting the Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan at precisely 10:25:10 PM
I rang him and asked what she was into and he said, “Anything Frozen”.
So, I got her a bag of peas and some pizza rolls.
I went into a toy store to do some early Christmas shopping and asked the assistant, “Where are the Schwarzenegger dolls?”
Continue reading I was Christmas shopping for a friend’s daughter
In a freak accident today, a photographer died when a giant cheese wheel crushed him.
To be fair, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him. They were all shouting, “Cheese!”
I think he was the famous photographer that took pictures of the cheese factory explosion in France?
When he got there, all that was left was de Brie.
I thought that was a sharp one.
So my in-laws (not to be mistaken with the out laws) have this fantastically awful tradition of singing a turkey song that I’m pretty sure they collectively made up. I have, in more recent years, seen others perform it on YouTube and yet it somehow misses the simultaneously comedic and melancholy way that they perform it. Without any further ado hear are the lyrics to the song:
I told him kindergarten.
The visit from this detective made me wonder what I would call myself if I were to become a detective and I realized I would probably go with my middle initial of ‘E’. I would make everyone call me, “Mr. E.”
I recently tried my hand at writing a detective story:
11:45 – arrived at crime scene
11:45 – Examined body. Signs of struggle
11:45 – Found murder weapon in drain
Continue reading A detective showed up at my house and asked me where I was between 5 and 6.