Category: Newsletter

I know that most of you will be surprised to learn about this, but August 8th is International Cat Day! Bev has been planning long and hard for this holiday, so be sure to come in and help her celebrate.

Of course, this does remind me of a a story that Bev once shared with me. A Labrador, a Doberman, and cat all die and appear before God on his thrown. God looks to the Labrador and asks, “Why should I let you into heaven?”

“I was very obedient to my owner, looked after and played with his children, and I was always told that I was a good dog.”

God responds, “Very well, you may enter heaven.” Then God turns towards the Doberman, “why should I let you into heaven.”

The Doberman said, “I always listened to my owner, and I protected the whole family. I was also always told that I was a good dog.”

God responds, “Very well, you may enter heaven.” Then God turns towards the cat…

Continue reading International Cat Day!

He was a nice jester.

With that absolutely terrible dad joke I want to segue into letting you know that we are really excited to have a matching grant for our up-coming raffle! Every Summer we have a raffle to raise money for our patient care fund. This is always a big event for us as lots of individuals and businesses donate baskets specifically to help our patient care fund and this is the first time we’ve ever received a matching grant for it! Please be sure to come in and check out our raffle when it launches on August 19th during our Fourth Annual Craft Show and come in for the drawing on Labor Day.

Of course, if I start off with a joke about clowns I need to share some of my observations about clowns; after all, my Dad was a clown. I wanted to follow in his foot steps, but he had big shoes to fill!

Continue reading Why did the clown donate to the non-profit?

So We’ve been enjoying our new 3D printer at Lost and Found. The other day a young kid came in and was really scrutinizing what it was doing. The following conversation took place:

Kid: What’s it doing?

Me: It’s printing a 3D object. More specifically, It’s printing a birdhouse.

Kid: ???

I grabbed a sheet of paper and a pencil.

Me: If I draw a straight line across across this sheet all it has is length or 1D. If I write some words and draw a stick figure that requires 2D and is basically what most printers do. This printer can print with length, width, and height creating a physical object. That makes it 3D.

Kid: Wow! So what’s a 4D printer?

Me: Just give it time.

I said this last line with a smile while the kid just nodded sagely not realizing he had walked right into one of my dumb jokes.

Continue reading What’s a 4D printer?

Because freedom rings.

Did you hear the joke about the Liberty Bell?
It cracked me up!

If you recall, I had a whole series of jokes about snowmen back in December and it made me wonder, “What do you call a snowman on the Fourth of July?”
A puddle.

So as Shannon and I just finished celebrating our Interdependence Day as June 28th marked our 16th wedding anniversary. We now need to switch gears as we rapidly prepare for Independence Day!

Continue reading How come there aren’t any knock-knock jokes about America?

Sorry, but I’m still working on it. Expect delays.

So I grew up in the Midwest where the four seasons were known as Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter, and Construction. Of course, once I moved to Pennsylvania I learned that they had elevated Construction season to an art form.

Continue reading Want to hear a construction joke?

Yoda Dad!
sounds like ‘You the Dad!’

That one was a struggle, even for me.

The inspiration for this week’s feature image was a Twitter conversation between Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker on Father’s Day. Seven years ago (June 19th, 2016) Star Wars Dave Prowse (Darth Vader’s body actor, James Earl Jones did the character’s voice) tweeted out one of the most popular (and misquoted) movie lines in history, “I am your father.”

Hamill (Skywalker) couldn’t resist the bait and wrote back, “Thanks for thinking of me Dave. Love to you from your movie-son, Mark”

To that, Prowse had an equally pithy response, “Let me know if you need a hand with anything.”

Continue reading Happy Father’s Day

So we just had a very successful Seventh Anniversary event, and even I had the chance to take a turn at the mic during karaoke. Of course I couldn’t just sing a regular karaoke song. I took the stage and asked DJ Anna to cue up “These are a Few of My Favorite Things”.

Anna looked at me skeptically and asked, “Really?”.

I simply nodded at her and then removed a folded up piece of paper from my pocket. On that sheet was a set of alternative lyrics that I may have borrowed (and modified) from Mike Agranoff. Here are the lyrics I actually sang:

verse
Smallpox and chicken pox, chronic bronchitis,
Syphilis and typhus and encephalitis,
Sinuses ravaged with coughing and sneezes,
These are a few of my favorite diseases.

verse
Pains that are minor and pains that are chronic.
Hangnails and herpes and plagues most bubonic.
Swine flu that renders you weak in the kneeses,
These are a few of my favorite diseases.

Continue reading These are a few of my favorite diseasles

At first I was afraid. I was petrified…

Eventually though I got my groove on and was showing how funky I can really be. Unfortunately a cop came in and arrested because I was really killing it.

You should come in for our seventh anniversary event this Saturday at Lost and Found and see if a repeat can happen as we’re going to have live music, karaoke, a K-9 cop, a kids craft, and food out on the grill. Much joy will be had by all.

Continue reading Agreed to do karaoke, then found out they only had disco songs.

The following is a brief excerpt of a conversation between Shannon and myself.

Shannon: June 3rd is coming up do you know what that marks?
Me: It’s a very special anniversary.
Shannon: Yes it is.
Me: It’s the anniversary of when the Beer Barrel Polka hit #1 on the charts back in 1939.
Shannon: ?????
Me: I really love the rendition that was later performed by Chico Marx! I think you can find it on YouTube.
Shannon: That is NOT what I was referring to.
Me: sorry

So it is Lost and Found’s seventh anniversary coming up on June 3rd and you should join us for food, live music, karaoke, and an all around good time.

Continue reading Seventh Anniversary

Memorial Day last year was fantastic with the parade coming past our store. A level of pride could be seen in our community as everyone watched the participants. During the parade I overheard a kid’s question to his mother:

Kid: Mom, do soldiers ever go to heaven?
Mom: Of course they do! What makes you ask?
Kid: There are so many soldiers with beards but I never saw any pictures of angels with beards.
Mom: Oh, that’s because most vets who go to Heaven get there by a close shave.

Continue reading Memorial Day